The catch at Royal Palm Resort & Spa

The heated indoor pool, its Jacuzzi and the Technogym gym are free to every guest, every day from 8am to 8pm. The sauna circuit is not. The Wellness Path, with four saunas, a steam bath, a Himalayan salt room, the experience showers, an ice fountain and a relaxation room, costs guests €25 and opens only on Tuesday, Friday and Sunday, from 3pm to 7pm. Treatments run daily from 11am to 7pm and are charged on top: a 25 minute aloe vera peeling is €56, an 80 minute hot stone massage €132 and the Maria Galland facials €100 to €145. The private spa, with its own Jacuzzi and steam bath, is €100 for three hours, with two slots a day, at 10.50am and 2.50pm.

The resort stands at Esquinzo on the Jandía peninsula, 74 minutes by car from the airport and 100 from the Corralejo dunes in the north. Its neighbours are other resorts. There are no restaurants or shops within a 10 minute walk of the entrance; the nearest supermarket is 2 km away and the nearest pharmacy 3 km. Morro Jable, with its harbour, its beach promenade and its restaurants, is 16 minutes away by car, and the nearest good table outside the hotel, Marabú in Esquinzo, is 7. The south is the reason to be here, with Sotavento's lagoon 20 minutes away and the track to Cofete starting 18 minutes away at the edge of Morro Jable, but it is a long way from the rest of the island.

The rates that matter are half board: breakfast and dinner at Restaurant Ischia, a buffet with show cooking, international dishes and a conservatory terrace. The other restaurant, La Piazzetta, serves tapas, Neapolitan pizza and fish on a terrace over the Atlantic. The dress code is firm: no swimwear in either restaurant, and formal dress at dinner, which means long trousers for men. Drinks at the hotel's bars are charged, and they are priced on the high side. A private dinner for two can be arranged at €150 a person, and a private breakfast in the room at €45 a person.

The heated Vulcano pool sits on the lowest terrace. From there a gate for guests opens onto a short paved path and a flight of ten cobbled steps with a handrail, which lead down to the sand, with no road to cross but no step-free way down. Playa de Esquinzo is 3 km of fine sand and public, like every Spanish beach. It is one of the island's beaches for windsurfing, kitesurfing and paddleboarding, and it is popular with nudists, so expect to share it with both. Around the pools there is always a free sun lounger; a Bali bed is a paid extra, from €50.

Every room and suite lists air conditioning for May to October only, so from November to April there is none. The rooms themselves are modern and generous, 35 m² for every double, each with a balcony or terrace, a bathroom with a shower or a bath and a separate toilet. Rates follow the Canary Islands' winter sun: they are lowest in May, June and the autumn and highest at Christmas, at New Year, in February and at Easter. Pájara, the municipality, charges no tourist tax on top.